…but recently, I have been discovering new things about love & myself. Here’s a cocktail of things I know and what I’m now learning.
One of the things I’ve come to know is often times, men tend to become tender in love. They accommodate more & at times put the woman on a pedestal This is quite literal. Research shows that men’s testosterone drops when they fall in love. With women- its quite the opposite, their testosterone rises at least in the initial stages of dating. They often become more confident, assertive, and at times even ruthless.
In that sense, men may take on a more “feminine” energy, while women display a more “masculine” one.
But here’s the catch: to truly connect, both need to notice these shifts and pause before reacting. This means, men need to reclaim their masculine and women their feminine. And also, hold space for each other, which reminds me of something Brené Brown said >
But more importantly, this introduced me to something interesting that Carl Jung explored- the anima and animus, the feminine and masculine energies within us all.
I now accept, that there is something beyond our grasps that makes someone stand out among others. There is something inexplicable about it that cant be reasoned or intellectualized. That took me off on a tangent of discovery where I again sympathized much with Jung’s idea of it. And found solace in Osho’s words around it. And yet, I still believe so much in the power of choice in love, that there is nothing powerful than the choices and standards we build around it. But, knowing a few things make me lenient around letting love flow through me.
Jung spoke of a connection between souls, a bond that feels almost like recognition. This goes beyond surface similarities. It’s as if two souls acknowledge each other on a fundamental level. This connection is often strengthened when individuals recognize and accept the archetypal elements – like the inner feminine (anima) or masculine (animus) principles – within each other. Initially, attraction might seem superficial, but over time, this soul-connection deepens. It’s fortified when partners see and accept each other’s inner worlds, the light and the shadow. One person’s strengths might illuminate the other’s vulnerabilities, creating a dynamic of mutual acceptance and understanding. This shared exploration into each other’s depths creates a powerful spiritual force that helps couples navigate differences and difficulties. This bond, once formed, feels timeless, independent of external circumstances.
Read More Here.
Another idea that’s been quietly resonating with me lately is the paradox between wanting to control life and learning to let go. You need to truly detach and let go of the things you love & want, in order to have a chance at them.Because it’s only when we stop trying to force things into place that they begin to unfold on their own.
Sometimes, our efforts to make something happen work against our own best interest.
In love, Alan Watts described this as a paradoxical act of surrender and risk, a ‘divine madness’ that requires letting go of control and embracing the unknown. I used to think you should “jump” into love, not “fall.” But now, I see it’s rightly a fall.
There is this dynamic between ‘unrequited love is bullshit’ and ‘real love is not a contract, it can exist without expectations’ – And I am in a place where I kind of, sort of, believe both. You cannot love truly with ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ but you cannot also stay in something stops nourishing you.